So we are now into episode 2. The Browns are still settling into their homes. And finally coming to the realization that, hey, they are STILL unemployed. But we are about to find out just what the Browns have been up to, job wise.
The Family "Business" (as of Season 3 Episode 2)
Yes, we finally find out what the family business is, and it is REAL ESTATE! Kody, Christine and Janelle meet with their real estate agent Mona at her office. Janelle and Christine are happy they can be flexible in their work hours. Kody feels his friendship with Mona will "segue into a business relationship". All I can say is we shall see, we shall see.
At the real estate office, Mona seems a little disappointed that Meri and Robyn did not come. But, as brusquely explained by Christine - those two were not interested. Of course, Kody, having loads of love for his missing two wives said "yeah, one's got a little morning sickness...". Nice job throwing Meri under the bus, bozo! Sitting at the conference table, Christine expressed some reservations, being that the real estate market in Las Vegas was depressed, but Mona replied that the market is on the upturn and she's got lots of business and that she's happy they are coming on board. Mona could sell ice cubes to penguins in Antarctica! She tells them it would only take six weeks to get their real estate license and they can do it online at home! A normal person would have said thanks but no thanks and got the hell out of there, because the only person going to make money on this deal is Mona. But we're talking the Browns here.
Mona explains they will be doing grunt work until they get their licenses. Or as Kody put it, "You have to function as a page before you can be a knight". Kody, hate to tell ya big guy, but grunt is below a page. And you are definitely a grunt. There's Kody running down the street with a Open House directional sign, yay! He's working!. We also have to listen to Kody trying to psych himself into doing grunt work. "...I'm excited about it" he says. "...it's something to do, and we're in a down market and we're going to ride the wave all the way to the top!"
Yeah, right.
Outside we see why Mona wanted Meri on this merry escapade. Mona has given Janelle and Christine the task to take a streamer of the Open House pendants and "stream" them from a Open House sign in the yard to one of the eaves on the house. Simple huh? Just like putting up Christmas lights. And who knows best how to put up those lights? Not this crew. Kody decides to have Christine get on his shoulders to attach the streamer to the house. Major failure, and Mona must be thinking what the hell she's gotten herself into. Eventually, Christine's able to get off Kody's shoulders, and goes into the garage and comes back with two pails. Kody got on the pails and was able to attach the streamer to the house. TLC should have shown one of those disclaimers WARNING: Kody is a professional a$$hole. Do not attempt this yourself.
Group Date - Rules and Expectations According to Kody
Kody made a good point that he and the wives need to know who the teens are dating, who they associate with, and who are their friends. But was it really necessary for Robyn to butt in, yelling " We don't want you coming back saying why didn't you tell me that!". Cool as a cucumber Logan interjected a curt "Well you told us". Then we find out from Madison that Robyn told them (perhaps while she was "courting" Kody and wanting to bond with the teen girls) all about the many guys she had been with. BUSTED! "I did not single date until I was eighteen" she said in self defense. Apparently she must have told Kody that she only had one date with one guy because Kody yelled this in defense of his current baby mama. Ummm, let's see. One guy on one date, 1000 guys on one date each. You do the math. And then Christine chirps in "My mom got married when she was 17..." Holy moly Christine, you polygamy people really aren't that far from the child brides of Colorado City and Hildale are you? Eighteen years, lady, eighteen years is legal age. Not 16, or 17 or 12 - EIGHTEEN!! I would have kept that bit of info to myself. Sheesh, didn't they watch the last season of Big Love? And what the heck was wrong with Logan's lips?
The group date was typical high school fun. Food, ice skating...hey wait a minute, that's what WE did in high school. If I may digress for a moment: We would all go to Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor, and I would cringe because someone always told the waiter it was my birthday and they would do this truly embarrassing bell ringing drum banging routine and make the entire restaurant sing Happy Birthday...but I guess I should get back on topic...
Hold the phone HOLD THE PHONE! Did I just hear Logan call his friends pansies while at the restaurant? Let me hit that rewind button. He sure did. He said "Are all you pansies going to wimp out on the ice cream here?" Yikes! Let's move on quickly, because I am shocked, I tell you. SHOCKED!!
More Kody rules:
1. No sex until they are graduated from high school and he would prefer them to wait until marriage.
2. A kiss is a token of commitment. (yep, Kody certainly talks the talk and walks the walk on THAT one) Funny how the teens (with the exception of Mariah) interpret that to mean it's OK to kiss someone you are serious about BEFORE marriage.
Sadly, Kody acknowledges that Logan, Madison and Mariah want to return to Utah and go to college. And he's so afraid the teen's peers will have more influence on them than he will. Robyn's sad too, because she can picture Mariah babysitting her growing brood, and Logan being a cool example for Date Um and her future little Kodys. And she wants the all the teens to be polygamists. Poor poor Robyn! Aspyn doesn't care for the jealousy and drama of being a sisterwife, while Madison, well, let's just say the minute she turns eighteen she is gone - out of Nevada and out of polygamy. Logan is on the fence and will take a wait and see action. Mariah wants to be a sisterwife (may I suggest 3rd wife).
Episode 3: 4 Houses 4 Relationships
Kody and Robyn are a little spooked...
Robyn's been spotting for a couple of days and has finally decided to go to the midwife's office for an examination. Now, I'm not going to bore you all with the details, but suffice it to say - according to Robyn's tweet dated SEPTEMBER 16TH 2011, she is due on October 12th. Maybe someone should tell her to use a SPOILER ALERT next time.
But there is something I want to know - where is Robyn's magic underwear that protects her (and her bun in the oven) from harm? Look closely at the following picture. That's Robyn's actual flesh we are seeing. Notice the stretch marks (ewww!).
And help me to understand something. They preach modesty. In fact, that's why we never see their arms or cleavage and they layer their blouses. But it's OK to see Robyn's stretch marked fleshy midsection? HELLO?! What's wrong with these people? Oh yeah, we're talking about the Browns aren't we. 'Nuff said.
Shopping! Shopping! Shopping!
Even though the Browns have been unemployed, living off their "finite resources" they have decided to go shopping for furniture at a consignment store. But first, we go on a mini tour of each wife's home.
Robyn needs a dresser, shelves, night stand, etc so she invites her sisterwives into her bedroom (that sacred chamber of all chambers). She suddenly sensed that Janelle and Christine were uncomfortable being in her room. Was it the fur covered handcuffs that turned them off, or that large economy size tube of KY Jelly on the makeshift nightstand table? Nope, it's just Janelle and Christine prefer not to venture into another woman's bedroom (particularly another woman that's shtupping her husband). Frankly, I can understand Janelle's viewpoint, as she says "...it's such a personal space. I don't like going into my mother's bedroom..." Yeah, it would be kind of skeevy going into my mother's bedroom, too, if she was married to my husband's father, making me a step-sister to my husband as well as daughter-in-law and step- daughter to my father-in-law who is also my step-father. Yeah, I can see that!
Finally, we see the Browns shopping in a consignment store, Christine and Kody find the used bedroom set of their dreams. Robyn finds just the right shelving and end tables and this big wall unit looking thingy that looked like it could have drawers - lots of little drawers. Even Janelle broke out of her frugal cage and picked out furniture for her family room.
Everyone got what they wanted, except for poor Meri. Now maybe I'm old fashioned, but I liked the couch Meri first chose. It was nice, looked sturdy. It was classic in design and would never go out of style. But Meri was not allowed to get it. Yeppers, her sisterwives and Kody "persuaded" her to choose a gosh awful really cheap looking contemporary sofa and accent chairs that looked sooooooo uncomfortable. I was amazed how whatever company that manufactured that furniture could actually make wood (if that's what it was) look like black plastic. PLASTIC! It was obviously meant to be seen, not used. Poor Meri...that crappy furniture will be breaking down before the lease is up on her rental.
Once the furniture was delivered, Kody went on a mini tour of each homes professionally redecorated room. Who would like to venture how much all that crap cost? And what was it with that neon night stand in Robyn's room?
Ahhhhh, during the couch interview, Kody sings about the sweetness that is Robyn. And Robyn reciprocates. Let's all join Janelle in gagging ourselves with a spoon, shall we?
The Ring
The "girls" decide its time for Kody to have a colada oops cloaca oops chimichanga oops I mean a claddagh ring of his own. It has three diamonds surrounding a heart embedded with a fourth diamond. And of course, Robyn adds her two cents that the diamond on the heart represents the wife sleeping with Kody that night. Nice. Real nice, Robyn.
The wives presented Kody with the ring at dinner. Kody seemed genuinely surprised. Fortunately for me, my DVR recording ended abruptly so I don't know what else Kody said to his wives or the cameras. Pity, I'm sure it was profound.
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