Review: S04 Ep01 Sister Wives Separated

All right. So tonight was the premiere episode of the show we all love to watch, Sister Wives. In what has become a pattern, the episode begins with a rehash of last year's birth of Solomon.

Wait a minute, now here's a scene that wasn't show! Instead of the stoic Robyn, the production team has snuck in a short scene of Robyn sobbing, with Kody comforting her by touching her face.

Awwww....

If I didn't know better, I'd say someone has read the discussion here on SWB how Robyn was faking her labor because she didn't shed one tear pushing out a 10 pound baby. And isn't it amazing how that scene of Robyn holding Sol, sitting on her rocking chair throne and declaring Hunter a persona non grata for not kissing her feet was no where to be found.

Anyway, we get a new talking head of a glammed out Robyn recounting her offer to be Meri's surrogate. "I've been praying about it ever since we met..." confesses a postpartum Robyn, while Meri, holding baby Sol, looks lovingly into Robyn's bleary eyed, tear soaked, big chinned face.

Puleeeezzze...

And in typical Robyn 'Here's My Ultimatum' style she says:

" I know Meri's still thinking about it. And I'm not quite sure where she's at...and that's okay. I'm giving her a lot of room to figure it out. And, you know, it's gonna take some time anyway cuz Solomon needs to be old enough for me to be pregnant again, basically. So we're just kind of...in this place right now where Meri's thinking it over."

That was so...magnanimous (LOL I love this word) of you, Robyn. So, Robyn is saying that Meri better make up her mind quick, because Robyn wants another bun in her oven and Meri, your eggs are getting mighty old. Is it just me, but does anyone else feel Kody is the driving force behind Robyn's sudden desire to be a Meri's surrogate?

And just how old DOES Sol need to be? Not to mention the expense involved. But money is no object to the Kody Krew, as we already know.

Yep, according to Kody, this year is going to be a big year for the Kody Krew. Here's the laundry list:

• New baby to support
• Need to get into homes close to each other (notice that the dream of a 'big house' in Nevada is officially DEAD)
• Starting new businesses
• Kids going to college

As Janelle puts it, "...we have a lot of irons in the fire."

That can be dangerous Janelle, watch out! Don't get overextended! You don't want to have to file for bankruptcy again!

So, what does the Kody Krew do? Why, they go shopping for property to build their dream compound with their favorite real estate agent, Mona.

Robyn wants an office, and a craft room. Christine wants a wrestling room. Who do these people think they are, Candy Spelling? I'm surprised someone didn't say they wanted a gift wrapping room or a Doll room. And as a perfect example of champagne tastes on a beer income (courtesy of TLC), they all want the most expensive property option.

What a bunch of dreamers.

So now, because it's Christmas, the Kody Wives Krew of Meri and Robyn goes shopping for their sister wives. Isn't that interesting...the name of the shop is Patty's Closet. Can you hear the gears grinding in Robyn's head?

During the couch interview, in her sweetest, most condescending sister wife voice, Christine says "Even though we have a plural family, and there's four wives, it doesn't mean that we have to do everything together...REALLY?" Hey, Christine made a joke and everybody laughed!

Watch out, Christine, I think you're being set up!

In probably the worst act of unforgivable crassness towards a wife, Kody decides Christine's family tradition of celebrating Joseph Smith's birthday would no longer be celebrated in his home. He wants Hanukkah instead. As he explains it Hanukkah is "...just basically a remembering or an observance of the festival of...uh...dedication...So nobody in our church is gonna really have a problem with us celebrating Hanukkah..."

Oh really, Kody? And now you have a church again? Thought you were an independent. And exactly who explained Hanukkah to you, or did Janelle google it for you?

Anyway, I think Kody, and let's not exclude Meri and Janelle, hit rock bottom with this one. So what celebrating Joseph Smith's birthday isn't normally followed in fundamentalist families. It WAS a tradition with Christine's family, who, by the way, STARTED THE PARTICULAR CHURCH YOU ALL BELONG TO, YA JERKS!

Too bad Christine didn't turn around and say that she and her children would no longer participate in Meri's Christmas tradition of accepting and parading those ridiculous pajamas she sews. And Janelle just needs to...well...SHUT UP!

And the show's producers should be drawn and quartered for that condescending playing of the Hebrew folk song Hava Nagila in the background while showing Truely running around in circles and Christine moving heavy furniture while jackass Kody sleeps in a chair.

There is something seriously wrong with Kody Brown. And surprisingly, it was Robyn who defended Christine's family tradition during the couch session.

In any event, this had to be the most lowest point in the Sister Wive's franchise. Kody is a jerk and this show has now officially "jumped the shark" in my opinion. It's downhill from this point on.

Next up was the tree cutting on Mt. Charleston, marred by a vicious battering of Garrison Brown by his younger brother Gabriel. It was bloody, and unfortunately, Janelle showed how she simply did not have the skills to cope with the warring brothers. Between her yelling for towels, and then  demanding a bloodied Garrison hug an unrepentant Gabriel, yikes, there were some scary parenting skills being displayed.

And where was Kody during all this turmoil? Why, he was putting the Christmas tree on top of Meri's car. He figured Janelle had the situation under control, so why bother? BECAUSE YOU'RE THE FATHER, YOU DIMWIT!

Something is seriously wrong with this family.

Then we find out Kody has "rented", for a week, the ugliest McMansion in Las Vegas. I mean that place made Teresa Giudice of RHONJ's ugly McMansion look like Windsor Castle. It was UGLY. Surely TLC could have paid for something that didn't look like double wides stacked on top of each other.

And as sweet Karma, Meri had to load up her utility vehicle without the help of her male teenage bonus children. They helped a hapless Robyn instead. YES!!!

Anyway, Kody continued being basically a useless sack of air when he just couldn't figure out which bedroom the wive's would have. I think the wive's major concern was they didn't want to have rooms NEXT to each other...you know...so that couldn't hear what was going on, know what I mean? You know, while we're on the subject, how much you want to bet Kody plays Marvin Gaye's 'Let's Get It On' when he's frisky?

Just when you think it's safe, we find out Kody's wives have given him a...SEMI - AUTOMATED ASSAULT RIFLE for his Christmas present, which by the way, can cost several thousand dollars. I know I feel safe and secure knowing this airhead has not one but a bunch of guns in an industrial strength gun safe.

And Robyn, bless her heart, is now in charge of another Brown venture called My Sister Wife's Closet. She's even designed some jewelry! I wonder if she got the idea for the name from the shop she visited with Meri?

I hate to mention how sad Christine looked when she tried to talk to Kody about their marriage. Kody is just too immature, Christine. You deserve better.

As the episode comes to its inevitable end, we see the Brown Family Krew jump into their mini-vans and head out to the cul-de-sac to fly kites made to look like snow flakes, down the street. We are left to wonder, will this pipe dream really come true?

Stay tuned for next week's episode.