If ya'll remember from last week's review, I mentioned I felt something was seriously wrong with Christine. Well guess what. We learned at the beginning of the episode that something WAS seriously wrong with her.
Christine explained she has been suffering from debilitating anxiety attacks and taking antidepressants. Of course, she tried to downplay it, but she says she is getting stronger, and has
even started to wean herself off her medication.
Now, the cynic in me asks "why this revelation now?" Were the Browns afraid this information
would leak out to the tabloids, so they performed a public relations pre-emptive strike? Or was this just
another "clever ploy" to support their lawsuit assertions that the strain of having to leave Utah was
taking its toll on the family. So like anything that has to do with this family, only the adults know for
sure what is happening and why. We (like the children) are just along for the ride.
First, we see the wives working out in the gym with Trainer Bill. Kody says he considers Trainer Bill a "brother". If you ask me (and you didn't but I'll tell you anyway) I think ole Kody is a bit jealous of Trainer Bill and his relationship with one of his wives. You know that saying to keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Yep, Kody's keeping a close eye on ole Trainer Bill.
So it isn't surprising that Trainer Bill now holds an important place in Kody's newest business venture. He was in attendance at a business meeting along with Kody, the wives and a business consultant/investor. Why do I have a feeling this new venture is doomed?
The wives go off to a spa for a makeover. Wonderful! Lord knows those ladies need some
pampering. While there, the wives discuss why they prefer to dress conservatively. As Janelle
explains, "We cover our bodies because we believe God wants us to be modest..." "Modest is
hottest" chirps Christine. As if we didn't know, Christine says that her greatest challenge is her
daughter Mykelti who is a bit on the rebellious side and likes to ...um...show a little skin. Of
course, Robyn has to stick her rather ample nose into conversation. "When I see teenagers,
especially ours, rebel and get mad and everything I kind of go...'You'll thank us later'." Sorry, but I
fail to see how anyone could thank you for making them go through life looking like a layered
stuffed sausage. SHUT UP ROBYN, OR I'LL SEND A MONSTER OUT TO SCARE YOU !
Now when I went to Vegas, out of all the places I visited, the one that remains most memorable for
me was The Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace. That place was, as Robyn would say, AWESOME.
The art galleries, the designer clothing stores, Spago's (well I AM talking over 15 years ago) the
fountains, the animatronic figures...the ceiling that mimic a real sky changing from dawn to
afternoon to dusk to night to dawn in the course of an hour. They had everything you could dream of
in the Forum Shops. It was like a grown up version of Disneyland.
Now imagine my surprise that the wives did not go the Forum Shops on their night out. In fact, they
didn't make the Vegas Strip at all. They went to the Fremont Street Experience in downtown Las
Vegas instead. What the h.e. double hockey sticks!!
I go down to the Strip it's almost like a foreign world..." Of course, the video being shown was the
wives walking down Fremont Street. So maybe they were a little confused?Nevertheless, where the Forum Shops are like an upscale Disneyland, Fremont Street Experience
is like a State Fair. I wonder if the wives had some fry bread and funnel cakes as they walked from
one end of the street to the other.
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| Meri and Christine just zipping along... |
"father and his son". But the wives saved up that pent up rage for the scantily clad dancers and
showgirls walking about the "experience".
For all the wives preaching 'we have more respect for ourselves' blah blah blah, they need to face the fact the dancers and showgirls at least HAD JOBS.
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| Beats dancing in the street... |
What did they expect to see in Las Vegas anyway? Think about it. And tell me, what is so modest about women who choose to dress as human sausages, that leaves no lump or bump or curve of their chubby bodies unseen? WITH RUFFLES no less?!? I.rest.my.case.
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| The father and his son... |
only Trainer Bill had been outfitted to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger to save the day and say to
the big bad monster "You are one ugly ..."
While the wives were out terrorizing Fremont Street, Kody was left at home terrorizing the 16
children that he barely knows.
First on the ' Kody does Babysitting' agenda was allowing Logan and Madison to drive his $60k sports car. Actually Logan drove and Madison served as his navigator. At any rate, those two teens were thrilled to death!
Wait a minute, didn't Christine say a couple of episodes ago she didn't like people (outside of Kody) to be in her room? Kody's got some 'splaining to do if she finds out!
Oh oh, Kody notices one of the girls sniffing a marker. He lectures her on the hazards of sniffing glue, gasoline, drugs, paint, or markers. Well, three out of the five. OOPSY, Aspyn reminds Kody those are sniffable markers that smell good. What a goof. You know, if he spent some quality time with his 16 children, perhaps he would have known about sniffable markers. Still in active daddy mode, Kody came down hard on Mykelti showing way too much skin in a tank top. But then he let her slide when she said her mother said it was okay.
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| Look behind you, Robyn! |
How convenient. Not only is it mom's night out, it's Kody's night at Robyn's house. Kody seemed a bit perturbed that it was 11:30 and his wives weren't home yet. Blow it out yer ear, Kody! They are
having FUN! And in the case of Robyn, being scared by a stalker dressed as The Predator. Oh dear, it's now 30 days later. Time to weigh in again. The only wife who had a "decent" weight loss was Janelle at 10 pounds. In sixty days. We see Trainer Bill using visuals (dropping a pad
representing 10 pounds on the floor) to illustrate how easy it is to drop 10 pounds and how easy it is to pick up the 10 pounds. Christine is very impressed by Trainer Bill's visuals. Uh huh...yeah...
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| Meri leaking... |
Meri is just so stressed: over the investigation, the move, life, finding money to pay the rent, etc etc. As Kody explains, Meri is very angry but she doesn't express her anger so it just "...leaks out all over her..." Whatever that means. So rather than swallowing pharmaceuticals like another wife does, she works out at the gym. A lot.
Kody Brown needs to wear a sign that says "WARNING...Hazardous to your health and wealth but I love making the babies. BEWARE!". As former real housewife and reality personality Jill Zarin would say, "He's TOXIC!" Yes, this is just my cheesy way to introduce the next episode.
Well, Kody may be toxic, but he was a two time state wrestling champion. So when it was his turn for a night out with his "buddies", he doesn't go to the Fremont Street Experience. Nope, he goes to a Mixed Martial Arts Training Center to practice with the brother of his newest Las Vegas friend, Shawn. Also in attendance was his "business partner" Trainer Bill, and a member of Kody's church named Jeff.
After stuffing themselves into a red Mustang convertible, "the boys" made their way to the MMA place. Several holds and throws later, Kody picked himself up and moseyed with his man crew to the Vegas Strip where the scantily clad women prowl. I have a feeling smart women run the other way when they see Kody making the rounds. Oh yeah, Kody used the word salacious. Ha ha Kody, Robyn used it first in combo with connotation, so you lose!
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| This is how Kody looks at scantily clad women |
Kody and the boys stop cruising the strip long enough to eat at the cheapest looking restaurant I've ever seen on TV. That's cool, Kody must be paying for this so he has to economize. Kody willingly fielded questions from his new friends Bill and Shawn. "Is there a divorce rate?" asked Bill. "There is. You know ROBYN was married to a guy who was in our church. He just never was what SHE would qualify as a guy that should be married to more than one woman." replies Kody, adding that he "literally had wives who were counselling each other in their relationship" with Kody. Guess the counselling didn't work too well, since one of Kody's wives had to go on antidepressants.
And then, Trainer Bill asks Kody "Does Christine raz you as much as she does me?" Now maybe
it's just me, but I don't think ole Kody liked hearing that. And to make matters worse, in his talking
head segment Kody called Christine a "shameless flirt". Something tells me Kody had some
choice words to say to Christine later. And shameless flirt were not the words he used.
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| Solomon Brown's new 'crib' |
Back on the home front, we find that Robyn has rounded up her sisterwives to help her pick out furniture for [poor old] Solomon [Grundy] 's nursery. Am I the only person to see the irony that when Truely was born, Kody was courting Robyn. There was no nursery for Truely. Meri and Janelle
helped a very pregnant Christine rearrange furniture so that an obviously used crib would fit in her
bedroom. Truely did not have cute pictures, nor a comfortable rocker. She didn't even have a plant.
But Robyn's Sol has a room to himself, new furniture, a comfortable rocking chair so that the
"family" can enjoy being with Sol. And a plant! Robyn, I swear you never cease to amaze me!
Oh, but Robyn isn't done: She needs to trash her ex-husband just a little more. She says in her
previous marriage, she stopped having children on purpose. She was done. She gave all her baby
stuff away. Then she met the Browns. She didn't have to be a single working mom any more. Will
Solomon be her last child? She doesn't know.
As Robyn takes Kody on a tour of Sol's nursery she makes sure Kody knows this is the first time
she's had a crib for one of her babies. Kody remarks all his kids get raised in a crib. Yeah, Kody may not have a lot of common sense. He may not have a job. For all intents and purposes, he is useless, his hair is too long and he has a wife weaning herself off antidepressants. But his kids all get raised in a crib.
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